Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Ten Best Star Wars Characters

The Ten Best Star Wars Characters counting down from 10:

10.  The Imperial Royal Guard

I don't know what these guys do, I suppose they protect the Emperor, but they're pretty ominous.  Are they people, or robots, or weird fucking aliens?  We don't know.  Que Misterioso!

 9.  Nien Nunb

I'm just gonna say what everyone is thinking.  This guy is awesome because his face sort of resembles a vagina.

8.  Dengar and Bossk

These two random bounty hunters are way cooler than Boba Fett.  I did some supremely nerdy reading online and found out that this guy on the bottom wears a dirty rag over his head because most of his brain was replaced by a fucking computer.  The dude on top just looks fucking cool.

7.  The Wampa

This guy must have been thinking, man this is going to be a good day.  Scoring a nice, soft, chewy human right around lunch time.  Little did he know he was a fucking jedi.  I feel for him.  I've had those days.

6.  R2D2

Sure, he's popular but he's also a great character.  Watch the movies again, he's got balls.  Or circuits, or programming, or whatever you want to call it.  Robotic moxie

5.  Admiral Ackbar

He's a lobster and a man.  He's destroying the fucking Deathstar.

4.  Ben Kenobi

On this list I'm talking about Ben Kenobi, not Obi-wan.  Old Ben the hermit.  Giving up the war and saying, "Fuck it, I'm going to live in the desert and sort of vaguely keep my eye on Luke." is what I would've hoped I could've done for the whole stupid rebellion.

3.  Jabba the Hutt

He's one of the biggest gangsters in the whole galaxy and he can't even move.  He likes foxy humanoids and shitty music.  He's like a space slug cross of Paulie from Goodfellas and Gary Oldman in True Romance.

2.  Princess Leia

You thought I was going to post a picture of Princess Leia in her slave costume didn't you?  Well I'm not.  I'm saving that for another post.  Princess Leia is the shit.  Nobody ever talks about it either.  She's basically orchestrating the whole rebellion.  She's on the front lines, she's behind the scenes pulling strings.  She's out for god damn vengeance.  Plus she scores with Han Solo.

1.  Chewbacca

 Chewbacca is the number one Star Wars character.  I don't think it's much of a contest, I could've done a list of the ten best after Chewbacca.  You know all those really lame Chuck Norris jokes?  They should've been about Chewbacca.

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